I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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