Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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