how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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