My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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