you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
