My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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