I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
