I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I believe in your delicious
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
