I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
