Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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