WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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