If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
