Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i barfeds in our rink
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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