when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
