i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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