Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize