dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
