dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
