Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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