We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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