At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
