I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
