K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
