So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
