after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
