Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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