Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
