Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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