Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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