I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
