There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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