By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think people are normalizing furries
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
