I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
