Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
