just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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