Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
