Already got asked if we're dating
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
