i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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