wanna go halves on a baby?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
