i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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