Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
