Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
