Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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