He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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