The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
