The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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