At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
