did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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