nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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