I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tornado booty call.. dedication
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
