I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
