ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
